Wild Ponies Make Annual Swim in Dense Fog

Didn't even read the article. That's just the best headline ever.

Wait! No it's not!

Kenya Man Holds Torch for Chelsea Clinton

It gets better: "A Kenyan city councilman says he offered Bill Clinton 40 goats and 20 cows for his daughter's hand in marriage five years ago. He's still awaiting an answer." Sir, have you seen Chelsea Clinton? You overbid.

I can pretty much guarantee that The Secretary of Spousal Affairs is going to take credit for this.

There is much delicious music news to gobble up today. First, Billy Corgan is aspiring to Morrissey-grade self-absorption, but with Billy Corgan-grade talent. A bad idea. Number of people who attend Billy Corgan concerts in the hopes of hearing nothing but Billy Corgan solo material? One. Number of those people not named "Billy Corgan"? Zero. Gee, If you say "Billy Corgan" enough times, it starts to lose all meaning.

This article about The Killers' aspirations to total pastiche is nothing groundbreaking, but check out the snide little caption. They're such bitches over at NME.

The good news: Wu-Tang Clan is starting a massive collabo with the shining lights of underground hip-hop. The sad news: Bauhaus is thinking about making a new album. In a related tidbit, cosmetics stocks are soaring on Wall Street.

Finally, some real, honest-to-goodness news... The IRA has announced that they are ending their 36-year armed campaign. According to a lengthy statement, "All IRA units have been ordered to dump arms. All volunteers have been instructed to assist the development of purely political and democratic programmes through exclusively peaceful means." Can you say awesome? Tonight I shall celebrate this milestone in the time-honored tradition of my Irish forefathers: I'm having a warm glass of milk and going to bed at a reasonable hour.

Or perhaps I shall become piss drunk and fall down repeatedly.